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Submitted on
October 2, 2009
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6 (who?)


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Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
Lying there across the floor,
Spread eagle- arms stretched wide,
Face aghast, just can't believe,
The one I trusted lied.

The path I tread is filled with blood,
And all I see is black,
Whispering voices in my head,
I see the things I lack.

'Tis is a battle I've not fought before,
Not in all my life,
Walking down the blood-stained floor,
Past the weary strife.

Ghosts rattle chains as I walk past,
Calling out my name,
Deathly voices sing to me,
And I am left with shame.
Something I experimented with after reading some heart-wrenching words. Can't say that it's my best, but I'm proud of it.

It's about being overcome with despair (or dying. You can see it either way, really)

Poetry (c) me
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:O this is soo powerful and impacting. It's short, but it conveys the message. I guess most people feel like that too, a moment when they're just at their lowest and suicide comes to mind, or came to mind in the case of death. With the lying, it could also mean that they were killed by someone they trusted. Good job!
Captain-Introvert May 26, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Simple, but really powerful. It embodies that total and utter shock of betrayal. I particularly like 'I see the things I lack'. I think anyone can relate to that, see only things that we don't have or that could be better, and not appreciating the good things.

Ok, I don't know if you've seen/read the Phantom of the Opera, but if you have you'll know what I mean; the first verse really reminds me of how Christine must have felt when Erik kidnapped her. Leads back to the betrayal thing, I guess.

Really brilliant, and this comes from a girl who can't write poetry if her life depended on it.

Looooooong comment!
fantasywingz May 26, 2010  Student General Artist
Thank you very much for this (: And don't worry, I absolutely love long comments. It lets me know the person thought about what they were going to say (:

I actually have seen a little bit of the Phantom of the Opera (my brother had a musical bash with his drama friends ;P ) so I sort of know the storyline. I'm tempted to see it again, however, because I don't remember the part you mentioned.

Thank youuu (:
Captain-Introvert May 27, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome. Glad you don't mind long comments (and yes, they do feel a little more thought-out than short ones, don't they?)!

Hmm, it's not so much an actual part of the film, just how I imagine that character is feeling. I suppose you can see it in her face.
fantasywingz May 28, 2010  Student General Artist
Ahh, understood.
I think the whole tone for the Phantom is just very dark and mysterious-- I love it!
Although for me, I think the music interests me more than the production, haha :roll:
x-EBee-x Oct 3, 2009  Student General Artist
Oooh, cool! Great job, good metaphor's ;P I love it!
fantasywingz Oct 3, 2009  Student General Artist
Yay! glad you like it :tighthug:
x-EBee-x Oct 3, 2009  Student General Artist
Yepperz~ :aww:
That's all I have to say.
Truly beautiful ._.
fantasywingz Oct 3, 2009  Student General Artist
Aww, thanks Luna :) It means a lot to me to have you say that :huggle:
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